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Girl Talk
Dating Tales From Las Vegas....
written by jenniferp on January 16, 2008

WDYKAR: Ladies...let us introduce you to our newest guest blogger...

John is out there in the dating world wondering just what we girls are wondering....is there anyone NORMAL out there? Having lived most of his life on the road as a sound engineer for various Broadway shows and national tours, John decided to start internet dating. Read on as this funny, adorable, smart guy out in the dating pool gives us a little glance into the OTHER side of things...

JOHN:
Friday, October 21, 2005
Now It Can Be Told - My Worst Date Ever

Okay, so I've been single for a while now, and I've signed up for match.com and eharmony and all that stuff... none of which, by the way, seem to work worth a lick.

So I was sitting in the middle of my destroyed house one night (long story, I'm in contractor hell at the moment) and out of sheer frustration and boredom posted the following to Craigslist LV:

> Anyone normal want to go see a movie tonight?
> Is there a nice, normal gal out there that would like to go to
> the movies tonight? I moved here a month ago, I know no one,
> and I can't look at the pockmarked walls of my
> house-in-renovation for much longer or I will go insane.
> It would be nice if you were around my age, fun, roughly
> ht/wt proportionate. I have a photo if you care. Hey, it
> might not turn into a great romance, but it would just be
> nice to have some company for a while!

Shockingly, this simple ad got 6 responses in 2 hours, after which I took it down. All the details meticulously listed in other websites failed in comparison to this short ad that gives - well, no information about me whatsoever. And 6 people were willing to take a shot at it. The implications of this - I just don't want to think about it.

So one of the responders was a lady I will call Cathy (not her real name, for obvious reasons). We'd been playing phone tag for a few days, and one day after I dropped her an email she emailed me right back and asked me to call her. It was quite late - around midnight, as I recall, but I did. We agreed to have a quick late-night bite at a locals' casino nearby, where she wanted to go because she had comps.

Now, in a very short time I learned three important things about dating in Vegas:
- When your date says she does not have a car, that is a bad sign.
- When your date has casino comps, that is also a bad sign.
- When your date has no car, but casino comps, that is a really bad sign.

For those non-Vegas, non-gambling people: comps are coupons given by casinos to frequent gamblers, usually frequent losing gamblers. If you can't scrape up a car payment but casinos are comping you, you may have a problem.

Anyhoo, so off I go to pick her up, and she's standing outside her house waiting. Which leads me to my next lesson learned:
- Always, always require a picture.

You see, my ad did say roughly height/weight proportionate, and I meant it - look, I'm no supermodel, but I'm not obese either, and there are certain things I don't find attractive - so sue me. So it took me somewhat by surprise that 5'2" Cathy is carrying - oh, I'd say about an extra hundred pounds - and working a fairly serious case of front butt.

I am, however, a gentleman and I resolved to make the best of it. So off we go to the casino, where she goes to find a pit boss ( who supposedly knows her) to get her comps. She says they might not remember her because she hasn't been here in several weeks. A few minutes later, out of her mouth pops, "Well, when I was here yesterday...". Whoops. When I call her on it she laughs in a somewhat guilty fashion.

Dinner is - well, painful. It's very difficult to engage her in conversation, as most questions get a short and simple answer which doesn't leave me anywhere to go with any kind of follow up. Conversation is stilted and awkward, to say the least. She's also somewhat of a boor, at one point cleaning out her purse by dumping it on the table (!), exposing at least 10 frequent bettor club cards and a pile of football betting slips. She's losing her housing (where she's staying with a friend) because he "wants the space back", but I'm dying to ask when the last time was that she chipped in on rent... but I don't, because I am still resolved to end the pain in as quick and gentlemanly a manner as possible.

After The World's Longest Late-night Bite, we get up to leave, and she says "well, what now?". I am staggered. What now? I've finished one of the most excruciating meals of my life, and she's not reading this? The awkward silences, the halting attempts at conversation - am I the only one who's aware of the total and complete lack of connection here? Evidently I am, because she's game to continue, forcing me to come up with some incredibly awkward half-truth about having to be up early the next morning to meet with the contractors on the house. Inside, I am screaming. On the outside, I am calm, collected, and still gentlemanly.

On the ride back to her house, she says she's going to make me sit in front of her house for five minutes and talk to her. Fine - no problem, I can handle that. I think. So we arrive and she has nothing to say and nothing to talk about, and still the same stilted, brief answers to my desperate attempts to converse. After one particularly awkward silence, she busts out with "So, what are you thinking?"

Now, a note to the ladies out there - this is one of Man's most disliked questions. Use it with caution after at least a year of dating, but do not, under any circumstances, whip it out on the first date. It's just not done. It's not polite. And inside my head I am screaming at the top of my lungs.

On the outside, however, I am calm, cool, and collected. But she's just broken my gentlemanly. I can't take it anymore. She's been torturing me for three hours at this point and I just crave escape. I buckle like a belt.

"I'm thinking you're making me really uncomfortable, and I think I'd like you to get out of the car."

She quickly exits and storms off in a huff, throwing back a "you should fit right in in this town."

Don't go away mad. Just go away.

WDYKAR: You can also check in on John's daily blog at

www.foryourentertainment.blogspot.com

Or - ladies in NYC - his okcupid profile...

http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=13464742616895852867
username: JSinNV

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Comments:

John's Vegas Adventure by sunshinenyc on January 26, 2008
I loved your story John!! Sometimes it's good to be reminded that guys have horror stories also.

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